365 days

As we near Garett's 1st Birthday and Jack's anniversary I find my self thinking a lot about this past year, reflecting about life in general. So much has happened in 365 days it is sometimes hard for me to truly grasp it all. 

Of course the simple fact of having a child says a lot about the changes in our life. Happy hours are now replaced with early to bed hours (try 8:30 or 9pm). Going out to eat is now replaced with, where can we go that is fast and kid friendly. Late nights are no longer spent at the bar but in Garett's room because he is not sleeping. Although drastically different, I would not change it for the world.  A simple smile in the morning when you walk in the room, a giggle, or a head on my shoulder are all so worth it.   I have two favorite times when I am with Garett. When he eats, is such a fun time, he is happy, laughing, learning and it fascinates me to watch the process. It is truly enjoyable. The other time is right before he goes to bed, just as he is dozing off, I watch him fall asleep. He is so peaceful and calm. I could sit there with him forever, some times I do. And sometimes, that is when I tell him about his brother, tell him about Jack. 

Oh how we miss Jack. It is hard to believe that has been a year too. I remember telling my mom about a month after they were born, that I wish we had one fast forward button to use in our lives. I would have used it than to fast forward to this year. Get done with this terrible year, done with the worry, pain, heartache, all of it. Hindsight, I am glad we don't truly have that ability. I am I sure would have missed out on a lot of amazing things. Now a year later I am glad that I have has this year, no matter how difficult it has been. For every difficult time there is because of loosing Jack, there are multiple more wonderful times with Garett. It is a process, a journey every day. And a year will not change that journey. It will continue. But I sure have learned a lot a long the way. 

I have learned that I am stronger than I knew I was. And when I am not feeling so strong I know it and now where to turn. I have learned I have strength in my husband, a bond like no other. Someone once told me that there is nothing like loss to make people close. That is true. I have learned perspective in life is everything and keeping it in perspective is key. I have learned that family is what gets you through the darkest of hours. and celebrates the smallest and largest of triumphs.  But most of all I have learned from 2 little boys who changed me forever. 

From one, I was taught the fragility of life. The importance of life, no matter how brief.  He also taught me that love lost, doesn't mean we forget. He continues on in our hearts and in everything we do to honor him. What Jack taught me,  I find it hard to put into words. 

From the other, Garett has taught me true unconditional amazing love for a child. He taught me true, amazing love and gratitude for Hans. He has taught me patience. He has taught me to simplify and prioritize in life, because nothing is more important than him. Oh how a child changes everything. 

Amazing what can happen in a year! My only wish is that next year brings with it just as much happiness and a little less sadness. I can only imagine what I will be able to reflect upon next year!

Hans Surprise 30th Birthday

Walking in with our friend Phil

Realizing that something was going on.

A look of surprise

The Iverson'sTook 2 of us to light all 30 candles!

Hans and Audrey
Tired Garett!

On Friday night we had Hans surprise party and it was a success. Hans had no idea it was happening. When he walked in he noticed his dad was there and said, "why is my dad here?" Then he realized everyone up there was there for him! He was definitely surprised. It was a fun night. Scottie and Audrey and Ryan made the trip out to Colorado to celebrate. And lots of our TCF Friends where there too.

Garett on the other hand, had a little new found stranger anxiety. He was even unsure of grandma and grandpa at first. He warmed up to them quickly but, there were plenty of other people he was not sure of. When Scottie walked in the door after picking him up from the airport Garett stopped mid crawl and watched him for about 2 minutes. He sure studied Scottie. It was a big night for Garett too. He met a lot of people for the first time. You can tell by the last picture that he had a good night as he fell asleep in Grandma Laurie's arms.

Pictures of the new teeth

After a trip to the ER...

Yesterday, Garett had another first. His first trip to the ER! Everything was fine, but his pediatrician just wanted to be sure. We decided to go after his temp was still 103, and he threw up all over Hans and than wanted to just lay there on Hans chest. So in we went to the emergency room to get checked out...conclusion a virus. We pretty much knew he had a virus, but just wanted to make sure it was nothing more than that. And it wasn't! He sure was the center of attention though. Garett had all the nurses by him. Two of the nurses and the pediatrician said he looks "just like his dad."

After a trip to the ER and lading him up with Tylenol and Ibuprofen, he was doing better last night, although he still did not sleep the best. But this morning we woke up to Garett talking away and bouncing up and down in his crib...I think he feels better! We got through our first virus, that I can only guess he got last weekend and the reunion, funny how that works.

Teething, tears and now a cold?

Garett officially has had 2 firsts, his fist tooth and now apparently his first cold! We were able to see his 2 bottom teeth coming in for the last couple weeks. Tricia called them little kernels of corn, which is a very accurate description of what they looked like. Finally on Thursday evening his right tooth poked through. I notice as he was crying with a mouth full of food. The second one has also poked through. Yesterday, I thought we has gotten through the first round of teething, fairly smoothly, and than comes a fever last night. A 102.5 fever to be exact! I thought it was because of the teeth, but this morning he was hot! Took his temp and it was 103.5! So after a call to the doctor she says, look for some other sings of a cold coming within 24 hours. About 5 minutes after I got off the phone, I notice a runny nose and than he starts coughing a little bit. So it seems we have our first dreaded cold. Last year we made it the whole winter, and I am gathering it will not be the same this year. I guess you could look at this two ways. 1. We are getting both out of the way all at once. Or 2. Wow that sucks, teeth and a cold at the same time...there will not be a lot of sleep in the Iverson household. I am not sure how I view it yet, it is to be determined. In the meantime there will be some napping taking place this weekend, and it won't be just Garett taking a nap!

NICU reunion

On Sunday, we went to the annual NICU reunion for Littleton Hospital. A year ago, it was hard to imagine that we would be here, seeing all these babies now thrive and change. It was pretty neat to see the babies that Garett had spent time with in the NICU. we saw Gavin who was born at 25 weeks and spent 4 1/2 months in the NICU, he is doing great and just turned one.
Most special though, was seeing all the NNP's nurses and doctors who cared for Garett and Jack while they were at Littleton Hospital.

We saw Terry the nurse who cared for Garett from the beginning, in the delivery room. Terry told us early on that she thought Garett was a cute baby. When we asked if she tells all parents that, she said she calls them "alert" if they aren't that cute!

We saw Therese who was the NP that was in the delivery room with us too. She was there to help both Garett and Jack. She also was the one who gave me the preemie purple hearts, for Garett and Jack. I wore them everyday while Garett was in the NICU and they will also be a special reminder of what our boys went through.

We also saw Rose, the NP that was there with us the night Jack passed away. She is the reason for Jack being able to come back to Littleton to be with his brother and family. She is the reason we have beautiful pictures of Garett and Jack together. She was with us and our family in the most difficult time of our lives and she made it peaceful. She holds a special place in my heart. It was very special to see Rose at the reunion.

Although emotional and sad, it was a good day. These are some of the few people who were blessed to know Jack and get to see Garett grow and thrive. I can only imagine the sense of profound accomplishment that they feel when they get to see these tiny babies, so fragile, come back as healthy, strong, vibrant kids. It is in large part because of them, and their wonderful care that Garett is where he is today. And I am forever grateful to all of them! I can't imagine what next year will be like...when he is 2!!